Wow. It's been quite a year.
In no way did I expect to finish it in my own space near the sea
living independently, and everything turning into an adventure.
I've had so many exciting escapades, especially in the last 6 months
from The Radio Festival, to the annual Summer Soulstice in North London,
the Margate Weekender, and even little things like a short visit to
Leigh On Sea to see someone very special.
I am also still enjoying my radio exploits at CSR, where since June
and the 150th show I have loved doing it more than ever, helped
by an equally amazing and supportive team at the station both on and off-air.
I will definitely be carrying on with it in the new year, working my way
up to show 200 and five years on air.
Although I'm happy in my new home, things can never be 100% perfect.
Where I would rather be spending tonight either in London or at
one of many soul-dos North of the Dartford Crossing, my advance
forward planning means I am stuck in Margate for my New Year's
celebrating.
Times change and tastes change, and it's quite possible that even
more changes positive and negative will take place in the coming year.
But I am sure it will all be relatively positive and through so many
really helpful friends, I have learnt to recognise my triggers
for when things start to become uncomfortable for me.
Even if I start to feel uneasy before midnight, I'm not going to prolong
my agony, even if I am on a train back to Ramsgate when it reaches
midnight.
But rather than worry on what could (and probably won't) happen,
in my usual tradition my last blog of the year revisits the snapshots
of my happier times in 2013.
Which there have been a lot of.
A rare instance of a Blamires family photo.
My Thanet soul family, before attending an
amazing gig from the Brand New Heavies.
Making myself at home in "The Attic"
as part of CSR's Awake For 48 charity broadcast.
Worldwide winner Andrew Ashong. This man's
got great things for him in '14, "smelling like flowers"...
The man responsible for everything "Worldwide" itself.
The legendary GP.
And another GP, the gentle jazz giant that is
Gregory Porter.
My best soul friend, Theresa B.
In case you're wondering, the "B" stands for "banana"...
The Folded Wing team at the Radio Academy
Summer Pub Quiz. We came 6th out of 18.
Drunken antics at the Farmhouse tent at this year's
Lounge Festival. Just a shame we didn't get a photo
of my "Miranda Hart fall" as a result of that drink.
With Bah Samba's Yasmine at the Margate
Soul Weekender.
An amazing woman throughout '13.
Miss Andreya Triana. (And her drummer!)
Meeting Mike Rutherford off of Genesis at this year's
Radio Festival.
Alongside an award winner. CSR's Al Chisholm
from the legendary pairing that is Al & Jack.
Al wasn't half jealous of my Tyne Tees hooded top...
And the rest of the CSR team. You really have been
the very best.
Chaos on the annual December Uni Reunion crawl.
The delightful Sandie P. If you're reading, you've been really lovely
to me throughout 2013, with your warm "Bonfire Heart"...
(Yes, you saw what I did. It was rubbish.)
And last of all, Sandie's delightful daughter Karen.
I've said it many times, but Karen P and the rest of the peeps
at Folded Wing, you have made my year very special.
Before I could even settle in to my new seaside surroundings,
I was back in London to record my much awaited podcast about
my experiences with bipolar which I am really happy with.
In spite of that, in the 18 months leading up to the recording and despite
Karen's lovely words, I was still convinced that the original concept was
a ridiculous idea and even though I was happy with it initially, I thought
everyone else would perceive it in the same way.
That was until the night before my visit over to the Wing and in
my East London hotel room I stumbled across a video of a film
from 1977 about the dangers on railway lines, which made me
realise that maybe I hadn't thought up the most stupid idea
ever to be given the green light.
(Watch with caution)
I can only describe this film from the late 70s as
"We Are The Champions Extreme".
If anything, it helped me realise that some of the scenes in this
film, are a lot more disturbing than the fear of a klaxon being set off,
as depicted in my own podcast.
Whilst it's a revolting premise, Guru Larry manages to provide
an amusing critique of the 1977 short film in the video below.
Seriously though, I have had one of the happiest years ever,
and I'm hoping that the following 12 months will be even happier
with quite a lot already lined up.
Thanks so much for reading and making it even more special for me. xx
It's that time of the year again where barely anything celebratory or
interesting for that matter, happens so an ideal time for me to post
the annual blog about the box.
And surprisingly it's ITV who have amazingly come up trumps
this year, where despite a change of visual identity (looking very
innapropriate during the news) the ditching of the "1" from their
main channel has done wonders.
Those who have a longer attention span will have enjoyed "Mr Selfridge",
and the acclaimed "Broadchurch" in the Drama department, but
it was the return of two well-rested entertainment shows that caught
my eye, as is always the case.
First up in February was the triumphant comeback of Ant & Dec's
standout show, the "Saturday Night Takeaway" which after a four
year break was back to what it was best at.
Highlights included the return of the surprise element to "Ant Vs Dec"
which even if it looked a little pre-planned still provided entertainment,
and the two new incarnations of Little Ant & Dec, proving that maybe
the concept can last with different toddlers in the shoes of the duo.
Add to that a number one single in the form of their biggest hit
as PJ And Duncan, proving more successful than any of the acts from
ITV2's "Big Reunion".
I for one, cannot wait for the second series of "Splash!" to be out
of the way with, so the Geordie jokers can return.
The other show that made a successful long awaited return to ITV's
airwaves was "Catchphrase" under the wing of new host Stephen Mulhern.
Whilst it may still have a few teething problems in terms of the game's
pacing (and a mixed reaction to the 3D graphics), it's good to have
the gameshow back in a primetime slot, and with a new arrangement
of the original theme tune from when TVS produced the show.
Not all fortunes of Channel 3 have been positive however, certainly on the sitcom front where the double billing of the rather crass "Vicious" with Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi, and the depressing "Job Lot" didn't fare well
with viewers and critics.
Yet both have been recommissioned for second series in '14, though
"The Job Lot" has been demoted to ITV2.
Where sitcoms have caused little excitement, docs on the box have
done the reverse.
One such highlight being Channel 4's "When Bjork Met Attenborough"
a rare case of a documentary that actually made me sit up and listen.
Just a fantastic insight into how music and nature blend together,
and the most unusual instruments.
Give it a viewing on 4OD if you have a spare hour.
It will not be wasted.
Storyville over on the BBC also provided interesting insights,
notably "The Great Hip Hop Hoax" profiling two rappers from
Dundee who having failed to tempt record exacts with their
rhythms set to a Scottish accent, they passed themselves off
as Californian rappers, forging their way to success.
Well if success counts as getting backstage access at the 2005
Brit Awards, and an appearance on MTV Select.
Despite a rather weak conclusion, definitely an entertaining story.
Children's programmes in 2013 were also on form, despite
the departure on the BBC from channels 1 and 2 the year before
which encouraged nostalgic parents to start complaining after
the move took place.
One commendable effort, "The Dumping Ground" was brave enough
to carry on the goings on of Tracy Beaker's care home without
the main protagonist, though some of the storylines have become
rather over the top over the course of the series.
A recent Christmas special paying homage to Alice In Wonderland,
hints that the series may be going the Grange Hill route
of substituting fantasy sequences in place of real-life situations.
Though it's understandable, considering the target audience
have extensive imaginations.
The most innovative children's programme this year on a personal
viewpoint has to be CBeebies' "Swashbuckle" the channel's first
live action gameshow of it's kind, which a lot of thought must
have gone into considering the potential consequences
of putting children into a competitive environment.
Though part of the reason for my inclusion is that the host of the show
Gemma Hunt has been a long term crush, for quite some time.
Seriously though it's a good blend of games and comedy sketches
giving the show a pantomime feel to it. A sketch involving
the Sugarhill Gang's "Rappers Delight" being a personal highlight.
But overall the main premise is that the Swashbucklers taking
part, come out having enjoyed the experience as a whole
whether they win or lose in the end.
So that's my rather rushed as always, dissection into the year's
visual delights, proving if ever that I'm keen to learn more
yet revisit my younger side at the same time.
I’ve
arrived home from my annual web-free holiday retreat,
and have spent most of that time analysing some of the most mediocre holiday
movies attempting to bring warmth and sentimentality, and instead giving us
gormless and unlikeable characters, blended with a brandy butter topping of
blandness.
Providing a fitting festive finish to my series of movie blogs,
a selection of hilarious video reviews help to illustrate
the cinematic equivalent of finding dogshit in a Christmas stocking.
And as you’ve probably guessed, it’s not for the easily offended.
Jingle All The Way (1997) Reviewed by Doug Walker
First
up, a film that typifies the very worst of late 90s pop culture,
and a very difficult period for me personally, growing up.
I wasn’t dragged into seeing this movie, but the constant
promotion on
television was enough to do my head in, and having seen
it in full 15 years
later they didn’t half attempt to sell out some shite
in the 90s.
I'm surprised they didn't just open up and use the fact it was
directed by the same man as The Flintstones movie from 1994,
to discourage people from flocking in.
The film’s premise involves Arnold Schwarznegger acting at his most
out-of-depth, as a negligent father doing all he can to mend wounds,
by going
all out to get hold of a “Turboman” action figure for his son Jamie, as played
by Jake Lloyd.
In fact I’m surprised the negative reaction from this movie didn’t
persuade Lloyd
to quit acting earlier, before his Star Wars shambles.
If “Jingle All The Way” is supposed to be a heartwarming Christmas movie,
then
it’s lacking some very crucial elements.
There’s no likeable characters whatsoever, whether it be Schwarznegger’s
gormless and idiotic lead, topped by an accent that if you were blind,
would fool you into thinking Tommy Wiseau was in the lead role.
Not to mention a mother with no sign of emotion, and the son Jamie
who apparently we are meant to sympathise with, but fails
due to his character being
an obnoxious little shit.
The movie overall is a disgusting portrayal of the “want want” culture
ever-present in the late 90s with little moral values.
It's probably surprising how this didn’t spawn off a Turboman
real-life action
figure spin off of it’s own.
Well, in actual fact it did, only that children growing up in 1997
were more
interested on getting their mits on a doll of Tinky Winky
and his pals.
Eight Crazy Nights (2002) Reviewed by Doug Walker
Up next a
movie from Adam Sandler, proving that even in animated form,
he is still bloody annoying, and visually disgusting.
In an attempt to provide a movie celebrating the festival of light,
we end up
with an unintentional cause of distress, regardless of
whatever faith the
viewer believes in.
If any at all.
It’s all a result of this display of lazy plotholes, unmemorable musical
numbers, forced laughs, and a complete lack of sincerity within any of the
characters.
Not only does Sandler voice the lead role, but two other protagonists
including
OAP Whitey who’s voice could make Jar Jar Binx sound tolerable.
Because too much time is spent trying to make the audience laugh,
there’s barely any breathing space available for the more
“sensitive scenes” to be taken seriously.
And as a bad movie normally warrants an obligatory product placement scene, we
are treated to a supergroup of sell-outs, with real shopping outlets from Dunkin’ Donuts, to Victoria’s Secrets proudly displaying their logos, and Adam’s OAP character proudly extolling their virtues in (I can’t believe I’m writing this), a performance that makes this example look subtle.
The most
saddening thing about this movie, is that the animation itself
is really
impressive.
But with a barrage of toilet humour, with a forced in dosage
of sympathy, I can only describe this as the “Patch Adams”
of festive movies.
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) Reviewed by Doug Walker
There really
are no words.
You can put all the really dreadful movies I have reviewed over the last 6
months to one side, as nothing can be as terrible, and free of any sense
of logic than this.
Yes, it’s not technically a Christmas special as such, but as far as shitty
movie spin offs go, this is possibly the visual equivalent of the side effects
from food poisoning.
And even though I’ve never been a massive fan of the Star Wars franchise, I feel the pain of those who were disappointed in seeing Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher, Anthony Daniels, and even Harrison Ford resorting themselves to this steaming pile of rot, that even creator George Lucas has disowned.
Whilst Christmas is not specifically celebrated, “Life Day” is the premise of
this special, though due to the incessant number of sketches, and a poorly
thought out holding device, we barely get a bleeding explanation as to what “Life Day” actually is.
The rot commences pretty much straight into the special with a sketch
involving
Chewbacca’s family (?!) made up of no comprehensible dialogue, which in this
case is substituted for an endless barrage of moans
from the clan of Wookies.
No subtitles, no explanation, even exposition would be welcome
in this instance all down to the fact that no one knows
what the fuck is going on.
It’s very possible that the fans warmed to Chewy enough to warrant
a whole
family of furry bastards?
I bet that’s where the director of The Neverending Story 3 got his ideas from.
And where there is any action, it’s
wasted in an animated section
which as the Critic rightly describes “looks
like Dragon’s Lair had melted”.
Certainly in the case of the animated Hans Solo turned Mick Jagger.
From a British perspective it also achieves the impossible of
making Kenny Everett’s Captain Kremmen look like less of a parody.
Though that’s partly because the radio genius’ animated sci-fi spoof
was actually entertaining.
The overall problem with the Star Wars special is not just being a stupid idea
full stop, but it’s just thrown together as if no one gave a toss.
The instruction video for the setting up of a transmitter being a fine example.
And what may be the saving grace involving a cameo appearance by
Bea Arthur turns into a melancholy waste, involving the closing down
of the Cantina on Tatooine.
Yay! Happy holidays! We’re closing down your watering hole!
The only way this special could have been given the green light was
because,
back in the late 70s, the men in suits were more tolerable
of fan fiction that got sent to them parcel by parcel.
As this can only be the direct adaptation of a crazed Star Wars fan’s
fantasy
adapted word for word, drawing for drawing,
incomprehensible line of dialogue,
for incompreh-
You get the idea.
Maybe if the same people who commissioned this, went on
to run the BBC in the late 80s, I would have achieved my dream
of presenting alongside Sarah Greene on “Going Live!”,
and
millions of undeserving viewers would have ended up
seeing the shambles.
Because really, it wouldn’t have made any sense
whatsoever.
But the real reason this came about, and why it was screened in
mid-November (?) was to give Kenner an opportunity to use it as
a shop window to advertise their Star Wars related merchandise.
I give up.
There's only so many advertising/product placement jokes
I can scour through.
Olive The Other Reindeer (1999)
I couldn’t
end this blog on a downer, so to finish, an animated special that has all the
key elements lacking from the rot posted above, which helps with it being
overseen by the man behind the best animated series ever.
(Well, prior to 1999)
“Olive The Other Reindeer” is a blend of charming and
well-made animation,a witty plot with subtle gags, and amazing
and well-produced musical numbers
even making special guest star
Michael Stipe sound cheerful.
The story involves Olive, a dog who believes she can join the
rest of the
reindeer in saving Christmas, against the threats of a mailman
who bears an
identical resemblance to Randy Marsh.
As you’ve probably guessed I can’t really justify the brilliance
of the
animation itself, though that’s partly because Ben Baker from TATP,
has written
his own blog going deeper into the brilliance of this animation, hidden, but at
least shown in this year’s Channel 4 Christmas schedule.
Thanks for reading, and here’s hoping 2014 brings many more hilarious
and hilariously bad pictures to the big and small screen.
