The last two weeks have been tough, in both a wider perspective and personal.
The latter may have been down to my last blog post reflecting on
happier times 15 years ago, the comedown of returning from a recent London outing
to the same location it happened, and between then and now a spell of depression
up to another event in London last Thursday to coincide with the Radio Festival.
And just when I thought I had recovered, wanting to get on with things,
well, what happened, happened and have had to re-adjust.
Conscious of when to post this blog, as I wouldn’t want to upset others.
If you’re happy to carry on reading, then please do.
Five years ago I wrote another blog post, bearing similar sentiments
and nothing appears to have changed.
I have barely learnt anything from it.
Designed to help aspiring broadcasters at the grass roots gain advice from
industry professionals, "Foot in The Door" confirmed the many thoughts that I have
fallen out of love with the medium that I may have wanted more out of,
than what everyone else is seemingly satisfied with.
On a positive note, Karen Pearson who made those struggling times better than they
might have been, was made a fellow of the Radio Academy last Wednesday
re-confirming some of the thoughts in that earlier blog;
"So many influential people in radio, but very few Karen Ps."
At "Foot In The Door" the day after, the organisers made adjustments to
bring some of the speakers to chat in a quieter place to chat one to one.
One of the few who I got on with was a woman working on BBC Introducing
asking me what my interests outside of radio were, and I opened up about
my beach weekends away in Devon, Cromer and other places.
How I adored fish and chips near the shores, but hated mushy peas or other such unnecessary condiments. That's when I started laughing, and I thought I was unable to
beforehand.
It's not an area I open up often, but if I find myself getting on with another person well
it helps me to "show them the real Robin" as another radio student at university once put it.
(Only that other people thought that the real me was one that had to be sectioned...)
Hitting me very quickly that it was the social aspect and empathy that I found more enjoyable
than making radio itself, and has been a big absence since leaving university,
save for the work I did with Folded Wing.
But with them it became very clear that I had more affection for the company founder,
than the output they produced.
Which I have been told isn't a problem, more commendable for opening up about it
and it did spur me on to produce better audio elsewhere while still with them.
But also why I haven't been making audio full stop in the last four or so years,
and doubtful I'll want to start again. Twelve years since graduating is long enough
to work out it's just been a long parade of circles, and ongoing upsets from unrealistic expectations.
Despite not finding any real solutions, I left the London event in a better state than arrived,
listening to a recently uploaded recording from Chiltern Radio in 1989,
the night of the Bruno Vs Tyson fight nonetheless.
Enjoyable enough to forget that it was pissing down with rain whilst walking
down Euston Road. Not to mention the days where you could get away
with two Fleetwood Mac tracks within one hour.
(The irony that "Dreams" would be the last song played on Radio 2 that evening
before switching to rolling news)
But whilst an enjoyable time period nostalgically, to wish radio would go back
to sounding like that all the time is unrealistic, especially with the number
of community radio stations trying to replicate that sound very poorly.
An approach not that different to Channel 4's recent rehash of The Big Breakfast.
The world has changed, I have got older, and now struggle to cope not just with noise but being within big crowds full stop.
Whether at the Margate Soul Festival, or a networking break at the Radio Festival,
they're just big triggers of uncertainty and further anxiety.
I don't know what's going to happen in the coming months, but maybe it's better that way.
The empathy and just being-there-for-the-listener approach heard on the radio over this weekend has been superb, making it more welcoming than ever.
Katie Thistleton on Radio 1 in particular mentioning that there’s no shame
admitting you have your own problems to deal with at such a time (14.11).
Or no shame in managing such things in the way you want to.
My first night back at home spent enjoying the other special meal save for the seaside delicacy,
ruote pasta in red wine-drenched mince.
Circles that usher in a happier sensation just in that moment.
Which maybe what is better savouring, than chasing unrealistic ambitions.
