Wobbling Through '14

The last 12 months have been, how can I describe them?

Colourful.

The best way to sum them up would be to represent them
in photographic form chronologically.

January


















Tony and Bluey from Incognito, on an early
morning visit to St Pancras station.

Feburary

 

From the best band in the world,
to the worst movie in the world...

March

Sat in the audience for Celebrity Fifteen To One
as hosted by fellow seagull lover, Adam Hills.

I ought to adapt his catchphrase as my New Year resolution,
"Stop Being A Dick!".

April

Getting down with an inflatable seagull
in Brighton.

May

The Brazilian Baron, Mr Marcos Valle.

June

Belated birthday celebrations with the team
(and Gordon!) at Folded Wing.

Meeting my "dream mum", Mary Anne Hobbs.

Bagging the best LP of '14,alongside
the man behind it, Gilles Peterson.

July?...

That's when things started to go pear-shaped.

Up until then it had been a relatively positive period, with a few minor wobbles though nothing too drastic.

But a lot of things were starting to build deep down.

The World Cup was done and dusted, the atmosphere
within the studios of CSR started to fade with almost everyone
going home for the summer, and now a member of the committee,
it was hard for me to stay in the loop of what was going on.

Then it all came to a head one Wednesday afternoon,
when I received an e-mail with two pieces of bad news.

One I had been not "hoping for", but expecting over a few months,
but the other came as a shock and rendered me inconsolable,
reacting in a distressed panic.

I won't say what it was, or who were involved, but it was radio
related, and meant an awful lot, despite being something
I should have gotten over more swiftly.

And on looking back, those who were involved did not deserve
such an emotional outburst on my part.

I managed to escape from my woes briefly that weekend
by returning to Canterbury and spending a night in London seeing
the amazing Andreya Triana in concert, which allowed me for
a short while to forget about my frustrations.


















I could hide my anxieties really well if in my
true home of London.

But on returning to Ramsgate, I was in that much of a state, I wasn't
able to enjoy things I had previously done, including this year's
Margate Soul Weekender that took place the following weekend.

The large crowds and overwhelming thoughts were too much to contend
with, not helped by by outbursts and misunderstandings
at home that weren't needed at such a time.

It never rains, etc...

Despite spending the whole of August helping to run a radio station
for under 25s, and a visit to a radio imaging conference in Amsterdam
in September, it was hard to disguise that I was still down,
and hoping that the Radio Festival in October would be a turning point.

Sadly it wasn't to be, as save for some really good sessions,
my anxieties got the better of me, being in the presence of
radio professionals who were where I wanted to be.

I think I even collapsed on the floor at one point because of it.

At the end of October another setback struck, and this time I was
so distressed, I wouldn't even leave my own bedroom.

However many good friends both near home, and within radio
were supportive, with one such blog from Anthony Gay,
the MD of Reelword Europe jingles, getting across some
very straight but forward-thinking home truths about my
chosen career path.

"Get Over Yourself"

The last couple of months have fared slightly better, due to spending
more time within the surrounds of CSR, leading to better shows
(well, as I see them at least), and starting my own podcast
exploring the mental challenges I face, through the use of
specially designed audio stories.

The highlight of the former being an 80s Special hosted just before
Christmas to celebrate 5 years at CSR.

The intro can be heard below, though it may not be up to Reelworld
standards. (and sorry about the rap...)



My latest podcast can be heard as well, looking at how I managed
to turn my worries of our Xmas outing into an audio diary.



I was hoping the above would have been a positive end to
an uncertain year.

But mental anxiety hits you when you least expect it
and unfortunately, circumstances in the last day or so have lead
to another wobble, along with the accompanying struggles to sleep at night,
and more misunderstandings.

But the underlying worry of my wobbles, are that the things which
provided positive episodes in the past, have now become triggers
of such wobbles themselves.

And that's what I'll need to confront in 2015 but I'm hopeful
the end result will be positive.

It would be ideal to end the blog where it started, and a song from Bluey
and Incognito which really helped me during the tough times,
and may have the solution to the above concerns.

"Why push and shove, and kill the love?"



Ultimately, there may be far more to a happy future
than a life in radio, and that's what I'm really running away from.

And maybe at the end of 2015, I'll have a whole year's worth of photos
worth revisiting.

"A Little Time, To Think It Over"

The blog post title has reminded me, I still need to give Paul Heaton
and Jacqui Abbot's album a listen.

Even if Jacqui wasn't in the band when they released the
song as quoted.

Anyway, the few months or so have been quite eventful.

Late October/early November was rather tough and I'll explain
in more detail in a later blog around Xmas, but the last few
weeks have been very busy, a lot of it spent at CSR where
I have probably been the most off my feet ever, in five years
at the station.

This has mainly been due to our recent charity fundraiser
"Operation Heroes" where we broadcast live from Mungo's
bar to raise money for the SNAAP charity in Herne Bay
helping those with special needs.
















 

In the last few days I've also been working on the Xmas
imaging which has gone from run of the mill festive idents,
to branded song intros which came about from a chat
in the editing room, and it just spurred me on to get
them produced. 



I love working that way, with lots of others in the same room
as ideas spur off the cuff, and fellow members will give
me their thoughts instantly.

A lot of my time has also been spent outside of Canterbury, attending
radio events in London, namely Wednesday night's Radio Academy AGM
chaired by Ben Cooper at what has been quite a tough couple
of months for the Academy with the sudden ditching of the Radio Festival
and "Not Sony Awards" and the redundancies of it's executive staff.

And as the meeting itself went to show, they still don't have
any real idea on what will happen in 2015, which lead to a few
animated responses from those in attendance.

One of them being radio futurologist James Cridland whose
live tweeting sums up (in a far more smarter sense than I can)
how worrying the situation really is.

I managed to put my worries to one side after the AGM itself
by heading to the Horse and Groom pub for the Soundwomen
Xmas drinks where it was nice to see a few familiar faces
with a more positive outlook on all things radio for 2015 onwards.

After a rather lengthy day in Canterbury, and a late visit
to London to see another screening of "The Room" (which I may
cut back on next year) I'm having a couple of rest days in Ramsgate
before Sunday where I am hosting my 5th birthday Blam Jam
in the form of an 80s special.




I have been excited about this for months, and it will be an amazing
way to round off what I'd say has been an enjoyable, if at times
changing year at CSR.

I have even bought a Christmas jumper for the occasion!

Want to see it?

You'll have to wait until Sunday.

After that I'm putting all my radio exploits to one side until January
though there's a good chance I may record a festive themed episode
of my new podcast, "Adventurous Sound Dissections".



I have enjoyed making these and I hope you have found them
as revealing.

But at present, I'm happy that my current situation is stable.