Away Times = Happier Times

I haven't written here for a long time.

But I feel very lost.

My happy place is when I am not at home, on my beach weekends away
on my own, with specially assembled playlists for the train journeys and lengthy
walks, and recreating nights in front of the television from thirty years ago, in the hotel.




From Cromer, to Llandudno, those special times are what I long for.

But the rest of the time at home I feel very lost and frustrated.

It isn't possible to fall back into older habits because they'll serve as a reminder
of that not so happy place I was in before.

Radio was that big interest, but that withered away. I can't even be bothered to
have it switched on at home, as it slows my day down.

I don't even get excited about any of the bands and musicians I used to go
and see perform live.

Honestly, how many times can Incognito carry on re-releasing
their album every two years?

And I used to be a massive fan.

Maybe I just grew out of it.

Not a massive enough of a fan to think that
them and other similar acts I used to love, could do no wrong.

Well maybe not doing wrong, but doing right doesn't mean doing the same thing 
over and over again.

If the opportunity for a visit away from home but to be with family comes up
I want it to be as short as possible.

It's a mental strain to try and be "on" when
they want me to, because if it's a day or even longer that they want me to be with
them, that causes stress and leads me to saying what they don't want to hear.

And in pleasing other people, I find myself becoming more frustrated.

The idea that you become better and more calmer at coping
with age is complete bollocks.

But finding the equilibrium in being happy, and other people being happy is
tiring, and barely worth pushing, unless there are other ways?...