via a selection of online reviewers who are a lot more capable than
I am, of adding wit to such shambles.
As always there's the usual blend of helpless heroines, embarrassing
plotholes, and irritating forgettable songs, quite often providing
the Pink Elephant/Big Lipped Alligator moments of making an appearance
only to be never mentioned again in the picture.
This will be the last blog devoted to bad animation for a short while,
but in no way does it mean my analyses of atrocious movies are over,
as there are tons of live action disasters that I plan to probe over
the coming months.
Anyway, let's commence this set of hand-drawn howlers, with
what could be a sequel too far...
Journey Back To Oz (1972) Reviewed by The Animated Heroine
First up is another animated film from a popular target on this blog
when it comes to bad animated adaptations, Filmation, the animation
stable as run by the Walt Disney wannabe Lou Scheimer.
Sorry, I'd better re-write that as;
This man's no Disney, if anything, his style of animation resembles
the crudely animated cutscenes from the CD-I Zelda games
off of the early 90s.
Digressing, Filmation's Oz sequel predates Disney's
"Return To Oz" by 14 years. But that doesn't mean in any way it's superior,
in fact it's equally as bad.
Judy Garland's daughter Liza Minelli inherits the voice of Dorothy,
but that's not enough to redeem this tedious display of unmemorable
songs (12 in 90 minutes!) come-and-go characters, strung out
scenarios, and the most annoying elephant trumpet noise.
Not forgetting the badly thought out characters, if the scarecrow
is meant to be king of the Emerald City, then the film succeeds
in portraying him as completely useless.
But what really has me laughing is the film's opening credits
involving a tornado sequence and the producers needed
a piece of music that would capture that energy and tension.
To be fair, I bet they had no idea that the piece they chose
was already very familiar to the UK audience, most likely
scaring a generation of children who crept past their parents
living rooms when they were meant to be in bed.
As for the film as a whole, I'd sum it up as Ozzzzzzzzz...
Titanic: The Legend Goes On.... (2000) Reviewed by Doug Walker
As soon as a movie becomes successful, many will try and cash in on the popularity, even to the point of making an unofficial animated adaptation
to appeal, or more realistically, pander to a younger audience.
It's as if many big film producers share similar tendencies to
the Alan Ahlberg children's book "Burglar Bill" and would come out of
the cinema saying to themselves, "that's a nice movie adaptation,
I'll have that!".
This was actually the second animated Titanic knock-off to be released
but we'll go onto the first one later, because believe me,
the premise of that movie is beyond belief.
But don't worry, in no way does it mean this adaptation isn't also
shambolic.
I'd best get it straight that I was never a fan of James Cameron's
1997 blockbuster, but even that was a more polished effort compared
to this.
The animation is lazy (with even lazier editing),
the voice acting is forced, and the character focus
suffers from an ill-thought blend of humans and talking animals.
They include a dalmatian couple who bare absolutely no resemblance to Pongo and Perdita, and a family of mice turning the film into
what the Nostalgia Critic labels "An American Fail".
Even one or two human characters are half-inched, as the visual
appearance of the captain resembles that of another who used
to flog fish fingers in a halcyon era.
At least in a Disney film, there's a sense of chemistry between the human
and animal based characters, which is completely absent here.
It's as if we're watching two different movies splodged together.
But the standout shame of this animation is the musical number
that pops out of nowhere, involving a rapping dog, dressed up in 90s stereotypical urban clothing.
In 1912?
Not to mention the fact the lyrics are lazy and completely
unrelated to the film's plot.
Another dreadful song involves a cod-latin offering from
the racially insensitive Mexican mice, which sounds like
something Gloria Estefan would have previously rejected.
Even when viewed in the proper context, this film makes no sense
whatsoever.
A dreadful display of essentially sugar-coating a real-life
disaster where hundreds of people died, and turning it into a fairytale.
Two words: Fuck You.
Quest For Camelot (1998) Reviewed by Doug Walker
In the late 90s post-Disney Renaissance era, many animated studios
wanted their piece of the pie, by attempting an animated epic,
quite often failing.
Even Disney themselves were past their best by this stage, either
because I was getting older, or the creations of sister-house Pixar
were far more eye-grabbing.
But when it comes to a half-arsed attempt at an epic, this talent
turkey from Warner Bros fits the bill perfectly.
Basically this is what happens when you throw together the
voices of great actors, and stir them up in the most uninventive
way possible.
Not least with Gary Oldman, who is given what has to be
the worst villain song ever.
Completely lacking in melody, lacking in coherence,
lacking in any sense overall.
In fact just about all the songs are "Big Lipped Alligators" as
they do absolutely nothing to drive the plot, and are just
overblown and annoying.
Maybe Elaine Paige could play them on her Radio 2 show...
Even more annoying is the sudden transformation
of the evil enchanted axe/Beauty and The Beast knock-off character
into a good guy without any explanation.
I bet they got the idea from "The Trap Door" where Berk
suddenly becomes friends with Rogg without a proper truce,
the only plothole of an otherwise gem of a series.
Overall this film is the ideal representation of an era where
I was bored of animated films, and when the big studios
put no effort or explanation into their movies.
That rose tinted image of the late 90s isn't really
all it was cracked up to be...
Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue (1990) Reviewed by Doug Walker
The above video is actually one the very first Nostalgia Critic
rantings and Doug Walker couldn't have picked a finer target.
The writer William Gallagher in his recent podcast about YTV's
"Beiderbecke Saga" stated that in America, if a popular drama
series announces a "special episode", then it's more likely to
be a cover for a preachy episode about drug awareness, or AIDS and so on.
That's more or less the pretence for this animated special which
on the 21st of April 1990 was simulcast on all the major American television
networks on a Saturday morning, with an introduction from
then respective president and first lady George and Barbara Bush.
This seemed like a big deal, a cartoon collaboration starring
the Looney Tunes, the Smurfs, the Chipmunks, the Muppet Babies
and many others attempting to promote drug prevention.
Hang on a second, a bunch of cartoon characters promoting drug prevention?
Surely that idea itself must have been thought up by writers
who were smoking said illegal substances.
It's not really fair to take mine or the Nostalgia Critic's word for this
animation, so here it is in full, if you're brave enough.
The animated likeness of ALF pretty much sums it up with the line
"Toto, I believe we're not in cartoon territory anymore".
I've no idea if this was screened here in the UK, but I would
definitely remember it if it was, and despite not knowing a lot about drugs
as a five year old when it was made, I would have been
able to sense that this was beyond parody and just wrong.
Probably even moreso if they had got the then Prime Minister
John Major to record the introduction.
When it comes to animation collaborations, I think we did a far
better job in the UK back in 2009 when Peter Kay assembled
an all-star band for a charity single in aid of Children In Need,
that meant well and was successful without being preachy.
Even better however was this offering with puppets for Comic Relief
in 1991 with the song "Helping Hand".
But when it comes to cartoons promoting against drugs,
maybe they should have stuck with something similar to this.
The Legend Of The Titanic (1999) Reviewed by Doug Walker
Yes, it's another animated rip-off of the big blockbuster movie,
also from Italy.
Contrary to what's said in the video, it predates the one reviewed earlier in the blog, but if you thought it couldn't get any worse than a rapping dog...
Well, you'll really need one of the Nostalgia Critic's giant Jagermeisters
if you are to get through the whole film.
Again there are one dimensional characters,
talking mice, some of them designed as ethnic stereotypes,
and out of place CGI exteriors of the ship.
But what makes this adaptation worse, is that right from the beginning
they openly intend to purposely piss all over what really happened
with the narrator of the story telling an sugarcoated story to
his children of what "really" happened in 1912.
The worst part being the use of a dreadfully obvious
villain, who with the help of an army of talking sharks (?!)
actually plots to destroy the ship.
All of this adds up to the film turning the story of what was a a real life
tragedy into an anti-whaling propaganda movie.
Did the director of this have some sort of agenda he wanted
to implement?
Because he almost certainly didn't have a brain.
Once again, Two words: Fuck You.
Hopefully the above examples and those in the previous
blogs have provided an insight into how not to make an animated
blockbuster.
And most importantly of all, provided somewhat of a good laugh,
that the director's weren't originally intending.
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