I wouldn't want to come across as a party pooper this coming Friday but there's a lot of things that I really want to be honest about if I get given the chance before we go to KOKO.
I'm just fed up with everything around me and I'm starting to feel as if I'm a fraud for being put onto the Smoke Radio Hall of Fame alongside Joey, and Sam Gregory as those two have done really well since leaving University and I've managed to achieve fuck all and probably never will.
This probably elaborates on a few earlier posts as I've never managed to get any placements or internships at bigger companies and just don't have what it takes to cut it in terms of filling out A4 sheets of paper with programme ideas.
Because let's face it, I'm certain Radio 2 must have done an Earth Wind and Fire documentary before and when it comes to the sort of technical areas I'm really suited to there's nothing out there in terms of jobs.
If I get accepted into the station at Canterbury Christ Church college as an associate member next month that may be my only hope at doing what I would really like to be involved radio-wise as I hope to get a show sorted similar to the Soul Show I've had at Smoke for four years because admittedly I wouldn't have even gone to University if I hadn't developed a love for JTQ, Incognito and Monday Michiru amongst many others.
Because let's face it, I hate people. I'd rather listen to one of their records than speak to someone one to one.
But there would be a possibilty of putting both together which would be bliss.
That's what's ultimately been a problem in terms of being with others in a working environment and on a long term basis I just wouldn't fit into others and their likes if I had to work with them every single day.
It's an overused saying but reality sucks.
It's only going to get a lot worse and possible outbursts may entail over the following months.
Possibly around the time of graduation.
When anyone walks past the Westminster Radio corridor and look at the shield with the names on the Smoke hall of fame, little will they know that only two thirds of those on their are the true definition.
And possibly many others who will end up on there next year as I must be the only one in my year on the radio course who hasn't managed to do well in terms of an extracurricular radio career.
Maybe things will be better once I have written my "biog" and I will feel better and more confident about trying to get elsewhere.
I may have spent the last four years living a fucking lie.
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