Again I've ended up removing the content of the planned post as I'm fed up with things.
My brother is holding a bedroom party in his room making noise more unacceptable than anything that happened in halls, and now I'm been hurled abuse by people who are too scared to reveal themselves, via a comment
on one of the blog posts I made yesterday.
It may be a revenge for what happened yesterday on Twitter and for that
I sincerely apologise, it was just a joke and what I wrote on there was
not mean to be taken in any offence whatsoever.
If I knew who it was that posted the comment, I would probalby
take it in jest but to post anonymously, then you must have
some sort of problem and too much fucking time on your hands.
In fact from now on, I'm only allowing users with Google accounts
to post comments so I know exactly who wants to vent their spleen.
If you do reveal yourself, you'll probably be automatically forgiven
anyway.
I'm taking it that there may be issues with those still at University
after sending out my biog of my University time which explains fully well
in the introduction that it covers a lot of issues, isn't intended to upset
people, and was only going to be sent to people I knew I could trust.
The majority of responses I've received are fully understanding,
but then again they were there when what happened happened,
why I ended up going spare and how not knowing those who started Uni
after 2007 lead to a lot of misunderstandings.
Especially when they decided to revamp Smoke Radio behind our backs
which I know a lot of good things came out of, but to be so
anal about it at the time left a lot of ill feeling with some of us.
I obviously had to return to that in the biog and the fact that
it was written before receiving gold in the Student Radio Awards
and it's painful for me to even bring it up again here.
I want to forget about it, there were a lot of good things that happened
at University and good times only happen if you make them that way.
But you know what, I'm not going to blame any students for this whatsoever.
It's the bullshit structure of the University Calendar that's overall responsible
not just for the station, but for the amount of teaching over so much
spaced out time, for too much bleeding money, in fact a lot more
than some of the lecturers fucking well deserve.
Because there's such a long break between teaching from May until October
(or even longer) it makes it easy for people to lose contact,
and when others who have stayed out of proceedings return from holiday
it can be disheartening to see how much they have changed.
I've had the wool pulled over my eyes for too long that if I'm not at University,
I have to be back in Canterbury and it's come to a point where it's gone too far.
I've come to the conclusion that I may not even go with the rest of my family
tomorrow, it will be Christmas spent solitary which you know what,
I'm quite happy with actually.
The only meal I'd have on Christmas day would be soup, with a few slices of deliciously baked bread from the Goods Shed or wherever, and many a bottle
of WKD would keep the liquids flowing in front of the television.
Or maybe to balance it out, a diced turkey stew with the most expensive
obscure pasta I can find in Canterbury.
And everyone else would be happy too, as they wouldn't have their holiday
ruined by my constant moaning as it would only make them unhappy as well.
But overall I feel as if I'm ruined, relationships within University have been damaged without me knowing.
I can't spend four hours travelling feeling uncertain, and certainly not
a whole week with no internet access.
In defence of my biog, I wanted to give a fair account of how bad things
lead to good things.
Why others can't take that direction in life I've no idea.
They want bad things to happen in whatever way possible.
In fact as a career, radio is bollocks.
It's impossible to find exactly what I want 100% as the limited hours
give me little time for a social life, due to finding another job
such as a waiter or theatre usher for example that I could never
see fit to undertaking without screaming under worse stress than
that in the radio environment.
I'm quite happy with the show on CSR as it allows me to do exactly
what I want on there and to let it build over time.
But apart from two hours on a Sunday night (them being taken from me
this week and all), there's barely anything worth being enthusiastic about
socially here.
Again if anything I wrote did upset people, again I apologise but I can't
apologise for being unhappy myself when things weren't so good.
I was very ill, things take time to recover, and when other goings on
aren't so good it's difficult to raise a smile in those circumstances.
And throughout life, because I have a disablity, I found it extremely
hard to establish long term bonds with people.
It's not fair to name favourites I know, but those from the 2006-2009
BAMS Radio class (who were there from the start) have always been understanding and there for me more than any close circle of people
I've ever known.
The fact that just about all of them can get on with each other is also special
and to be back in London would mean I get to see them more often than now.
I'm more than open to talk about it in whichever way possible or preferred.
I'll have reached a fuller decision on whether to stay here by
tomorrow morning but as I'm feeling now, it will be Christmas in Canters.
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